Crap for Christmas

One of our first Schnitzelbahn blog posts was about the German "sitzpinkel" -- where guys must sit down to pee.  In a follow-up post, we linked to a guy that talked about "the shelf" on many German toilets... that are supposedly historically meant for "stool examination".

With that in mind, we have found the perfect Christmas gift/stocking stuffer for your German or German-like friends.  The unwrapping process will reveal a card game housed in a nice tin case.  So far so good.  Their first thought:  "It's cards.  Whew!  At least it's not one of those silly bathroom reader books..."

                      

Continuing with the gift examination, you friend's next thoughts might be:  "Interesting, a card game called Plop Trumps.  Must be a variation on Top Trumps where perhaps a twist where you have to plop down cards quickly or something.  Could actually be fun..."

              

Next the recipient will look at the cards in detail.  Can't wait to see their expression upon reading these, and the accompanying "What the...":

        

Yup, you're seeing those cards right.  This present will make quite a splash.  (Terrible pun, sorry.)  Each card has a picture of excrement from a specific animal together with key data about the, um, output.

Note:  I haven't played Top Trumps, but Wikipedia explains the gameplay:  each card shows numerical data about a specific item across multiple categories.   (In this case, we get quantitative and qualitative info about the specific animal's droppings)...  All cards are dealt among the players.  The starting player selects a category from his/her topmost card. The best (usually the largest/highest) value amoung all players wins the "trick".  The player winning the trick chooses the next category.  The winner must obtain all cards.

It sounds like a multiplayer, multivariable version of War.  But focused on dung.  It's also a game of attrition, but made much more interesting than with a standard deck, and some thinking in choosing the measure of animal waste rather than just comparing poker card values.  Makes sense that you can buy versions based on cars, dinosaurs, skyscrapers, soccer, The Simpsons and Harry Potter, etc..  Not as fun as animal turd(s), of course.

And it keeps getting better: the description emphasizes that this was "carefully written" and contains no offensive language, therefore it's appropriate for kids!  Just what parents want their boys playing with -- think this will motivate them to start examining the real thing?

FYI, I found Plop Trumps at firebox.com (source of the pics).  We'll let them finish this post extolling the virtues of the "best photos of poo ever taken":

 

It definitely is "the business".  Much better than a lump of coal, right?  Well, If all else fails and your friend would prefer to keep thinks closer to home, this calendar can be the last resort -- the 2011 Dog Poop Calendar:

     

The world can end now.  Yeah, now would feel right after seeing these products.

Bored, Educated Germans Build the Ultimate Scarecrow

"Achtung! Achtung! Bitte fliegen Sie weiter"

"Attention, attention. Please fly somewhere else."

Strangely polite....

Stereotype Maps

These are fun.... Yanko Tsvetkov has created a series of maps showing countries as their stereotypes. He's from the UK, so there are several maps of Europe, from various view points....

In "Europe According to the Vatican" Swtizerland is shown as "Guards" and Finland as "Jesus Never Went There." The countries also are conveniently color-coded (with shading to denote intensity) as "Righteous People," "Misguided Brothers," and "Bastards."

In "South American According to the USA" we see the "Cuba del Sur" (Bolivia) and the "British Riviera" (Falkland Islands).

Russia is generally depicted by other Europeans as "Big Spenders," gas supplier, or "Bully." However, my favorite Russian one is in "Europe According to France", where it is shown as "Napolean's Dream."  

"Europe According to Gay Men" also is fun, with Sweden shown as "Trashy Dance Music" and Turkey as "Sexy Homophobes." Portugal, the Spanish islands, Greece, Cyprus, and the Dalmatian Coast are collectively shown as "The Federated Holiday States of the Mediterranean," or "F.H.S.o.M."

My two favorites are The World According to USA and The World According to Germany. (Not surprisingly, being an American living in Germany...)

The World According to USA

The World According to Germany

German Traditions + Redneck Craft Projects = Awesome Advent Calendar

I've lived in enough totally different places now to be a little culturally screwed up. Or we could look at it more positively, as having the opportunity to combine the best of various cultures.

This one is lacking in Asian influence, but blends the best of the redneck spirit of homemade things and the German traditions of Advent calendars. And from both, of course, beer!

Introducing the Official 2010 Schnitzelbahn Advent Calendar: 

Inside is waiting 24 days of malty, hoppy, beer goodness!

I started with a 24-beer crate and then filled it with an assortment of 24 different 0.33 L beers. As most beers here are half liter bottles, it was a little harder than expected to find enough good beers. But luckily I could branch out beyond German beers and add some American, Australian, Czech, flavored, English and other beers not allowed in the Beer Tournament.

Tasty!

After finding the beers, the major design difficulty was in creating "doors," as the beers were aligned in hexagonal holders, not in a straight grid.

So, a cardboard top with doors was out of the question and I had to build in dividers. I solved the problem with Curling ribbon and packing tape. I used the curling ribbon to create grid with an opening over each bottle. Then I ran packing tape, sticky side up, under each line in the grid. This stuck to the ribbon and held the shape, while also providing something adhesive on which to mount the top.

Building the Grid

I needed something that could easily be torn open, and also adhere tightly to the tape. Aluminum foil made the most sense and looked festive. The tape running along the ribbon also should serve as a border to stop the tearing when each compartment is opened daily.

And finally.... I got satin star stickers from a stationery store and wrote the numbers 1-24 for each day in silver pen.  

Finishing with stickers for each day

Update on Tuesday, December 7, 2010 at 16:18 by Frau A

This guy has taken a fun and different approach to the advent calendar idea....Each December, he tastes and reviews a different beer per day to celebrate Advent.

http://beeradventcalendar.blogspot.com/

Advent Calendars for Everyone

Yesterday was the beginning of one of my favorite holiday traditions. Advent Calendars are great for everyone....for kids, it helps pass the time and count down the days till Christmas and for adults, it helps limit us to a piece of chocolate per day. Or is an excuse to eat some chocolate every day. Not sure which, but both are good ideas.   

The Germans have take Advent Calendars to new heights. They are everywhere, beginning in October. But be warned, if you wait until December, you may not find any! 

It's not just chocolate anymore - there really is something for everyone these days. Chocolate advent calendars still are by far the most popular ones, but there are plenty of non-candy calendars or manly calendars on offer. 

My Advent Calendar Guide: 

For Mom:
(probably you should give her a chocolate one, too)

The Tea Party Advent Calendar, which includes tea bags and holders in the shape of famous politicians, artists, and Biblical characters (Queen Elizabeth, Baby Jesus, Rudolph, Sarkozy, Mozart, and Merkel).  

   

For the Hello Kitty fan in your life:
(it's ok to admit it, you know you have one...or are one!)

For Father/Husband/Boyfriend:
The Handyman Advent Calendar. I got Herr J one so we could see what goodies are inside!  

  

For those who don't like chocolate:
(yes, i have met one or two in life...I both envy and pity them) 

Gummi Bear Advent Calendar, from the neighborhood Bears and Friends.    

For the younger brother:
Unfortunately, I really couldn't find a justification to buy one. But there are a few varieties out there of Lego Advent Calendars.  

For the teenage daughter/sister:
The Body Shop here has an advent calendar full of small-sized products.  

They seem to be out of them, so I'll just show an even more fun one...the famous Selfridge's advent calendar. Similar idea and cost, just the Body Shop uses their own products.  

Selfridge's Advent Calendar

For the Music Lover:
Or also good for parents who don't want to give more candy to the kids... The Musical Advent Calendar, with a new song each day (38 minutes in total).  

 

For children of all ages, or also for yourself:
The Kinder Surprise Egg Advent Calendar. Full of Kinder Eggs, with Christmas toys and ornaments inside. Also it opens up to have a nice 3D scene and a sleigh to hold a Kinder Egg.  

In the interest of full disclosure....I got one for myself. I love Kinder Eggs and am looking forward to hanging some of the ornaments on my Christmas tree.  Will post later pictures of what suprises are inside.

Kinder has a variety of advent calendars on offer...     Kinder Friends - with Bueno, Bons, Country and Chocolate 

Kinder Mix - with Happy Hippos, Bons, Suprise Eggs, and Chocolate

Or if Kinder is not your favorite, all of the major German and Swiss chocolatiers have at least one calendar on the market....

Ritter Sport

       Milka   Mozart

Niederegger (Marzipan and Chocolate) Lindt, as usual, has a wide variety of advent calendars...dark, light, spiced chocolates, kid's chocolates, pralines, and mini-truffels.

  

And, finally, we have my awesome, homemade Advent Calendar. What's in it? We'll see tomorrow....

The United States in TV and Movies

OK, I'm a big dork and love maps, especially ones that blend together geography and pop-culture.

You've probably seen the one with the US states as Movies before (it made the rounds on The Huffington Post and other sites), but Andrew Shears has done one showing the states as TV shows. I guess "Dukes of Hazzard" is a bit better than "Deliverance" for Georgia, but still not bringing out the state's best!

The United States as Movies  

The United States as TV Shows

via Strange Maps

Lego Architecture

LEGO is now selling these cool architecture models, including a Frank Lloyd Wright Collection and other well-known buildings and monuments.

Very cool!

via WANKEN

Guggenheim Museum

 John Hancock Center 

Fallingwater House